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One day in August of 2003, a woman was trying to take the stairs up to her apartment. There was a police officer in the stairwell, and she was told to take the stairs on the other side of the building. From what she could piece together later, there was a man in one of the apartments, having a stand-off with the police. He had some photocopied notes, was making them into paper airplanes, and floating them out the window. She has no idea how the situation was resolved. Presumably the police took the man away and locked him up for a little while. The next day, the woman found a note on the ground and decided to keep it. She has kept it for a long, long time. She understands that the note needs to be treasured, that it is sacred and good. Some time later, she found out about my website, and thought I might be interested in the note. I begged and pleaded to see it. Reluctantly, she loaned it to me, insisting I return it to her after scanning it for the website. The note is difficult to read, as it's a photocopy of a handwritten note that sat outside overnight. A transcript follows the note itself.
Paragraphing added for clarity, spelling mistakes intact. Any of my comments are in [square brackets]. [Down the left side of the paper] [main letter] Side One Fade to black Aug-05-2003 My name is Tony Fleck I am 26 years old and I want to die. I am a alcoholic and have been trying to get help for 6 1/2 yrs now, unsucessfuly. In 2002 (or 2001?) I took over a 7-11 with a bomb, my only demand was to be prescribed "Anti-buse" a presctiption drug. It makes you pysically sick if you come in contact with any alcohol. Perfect for me. I was flatly denied but promised I would be sent to a treatment/prison center while I did my sentance of 18 months. After 8 months I was sent to the treatment center know as G.A.T.U. [?] I had one 45 minute session for alcohol treatment during the five months I spent there. Then they closed it down, I was so desperate to stay I slashed my wrists in an attempt for sympathy to my predicament. 11 days later I was released on to the streets of Ottawa with no [pre] release plan support anything. Before that I had a 10 hour stand-off with the tactical unit (Canadian S.W.A.T team) where I was trying to force them to shoot me. They did, but with a 50,000 volt tazor. Jail again, no treatment 22 months. After that I had a 8-10 hour stand off with the same tactical unit, I tried to jump off the balcony but it was to hard. After cutting myself up, swallowing uncountable pills and only feeling worse I surrendered. More jail (20 months) no treatment. Approximately 4-6 weeks ago I slashed my wrists on parliment hill hopeing to draw attention to my situation. I was pepper sprayed, treated (stitched up) and released on bail less than 7 days later. Now I've warrants for stealing and crashing my girlfriends car. Yes, I am a screw-up. If I had some adequate treatment I could do so well. OVER [illegible scrawl in pen on bottom, crossed out.] [side two, down left side] [main text] Side two Fade to black Aug-5-2003 Theres so much more I can not put into words. I've been in and out of foster homes, detention centers, jail, hell since I was 13. I had the textbook bad childhood, molested, beaten (by foster parents) made to feel useless and unable to accomplish anything. No cop outs for me. I made ALOT of bad choices. No matter how this sounds I know I am to blame for a large majority of my problems. I need to go to the secure forensic unit at the Royal Ottawa Hospital! I have severe anexity attacks, seriously low self esteem and a anti-social disorder. It's hard not to put a gun to my head every morn. I don't need pity -- I need help! If you can in anyway, shape or form call 731-38[??] ask for Judy. That's my Momma. She's been there forever, forgiving, supporting and loving me. Same with my bro and girlfriend. Love and respect to them. (Also to Pinecrest Queensway Community walkin. Good people.) If you read this I've slashed my wrists (and if I have the guts, my throat) and am sitting in jail on sucide watch. The most depressing place on earth. I know they won't let me just die. I think the system likes people, no needs people like me to keep the "machine" going. I am tired of "falling through the cracks". I am not a bad person, I need help! I don't want to die now but I am running out of options fast. *Sanitarium* Yours |
